"I've noticed grief is like being the captain on a sinking ship - for some reason you're assuring everyone else, as they head for the lifeboats." - William Kurdt.
Just coming up for air.
David Carradine was found dead today. Something like four or five different people called me or texted me to tell me about it. Which at first struck me as kind of odd, but thinking about it, I have been a big fan of his for a long time. I used to watch both versions of "Kung Fu" with Mom during the summer, and I've always been a pretty big 'Kill Bill' fan. I read his autobiography in college, and remember watching "Americana" by myself and thinking he was a much better director than a lot of people ever gave him credit for.
And when famous people die, I do tend to take it kind of hard. Death at all is sad, but when one member of the eclectic bunch of artists and weirdos I tend to idolize passes on, it usually bugs me a lot. To my deep regret, however, I find myself somewhat tapped out right now. My only hope is that in less chaotic times I remember doing him a disservice on this day, and take an evening to write about him. As ridiculous as some might find this, he was one of the fictional surrogates I took when I felt most spurned by the father figures in my life. That time passed, but it still meant something.
Other things, before I found out about all that. Felt very heavy today -- weighed down. Simple tasks seemed more difficult. Perhaps in spite of this, I took on a few small errands. Went out in the evening, to visit with Chase and Shea, and Paul was there too. They watched the first game of the finals in the NBA playoff game tonight. I will admit to not getting the emotional investment in a sporting event -- I mean, maybe if you had some money on the outcome, I could see it. Still, wasn't about the game for me, I just really appreciated the company. Blocks some things out for a little while.
Talked to Cheryl. She hadn't heard about Dad. She said I had as much time as I needed, but I'd still like to go get my comics soon. I just haven't figured out how to work that without Dad yet.
Watched "Surveillance" last night. Interesting flick, definitely worth a look, if any one's curious. I had to see it after I heard it was about crooked cops. Sort of surprised me, though.
Kyle seems to be up to something with the "Trendsetter" blog, but he hasn't told me anything. I'm still tinkering with "Nova," and working on another short I'd like to put up here. I have all these notes, I just need to put it together. It's been helping a little -- certainly had a few ideas for "Trendsetter" from it, which was the point, in a way. Want desperately to have a breakthrough on it, get a full-length, working draft. Also realize how ridiculous of an expectation that is in my current mindset. Still, it's on my mind.
Rough schedule would be to finish the new thing, take another crack at "Nova," and then try and dive back into TS. No timeline though. And honestly, if a really good flash of inspiration hits me, I'll probably switch that around a bit.
Hoping to have something to distract myself with this weekend. Get out of the house. Sinking suspicion it's not going to happen. But I can hope.
More soon. Not much to this post, thought doing one might keep me motivated.