Why the hell am I awake?

Not that this is a particularly odd time for me to be up. Gave up trying to get eBay comics ready without them in arm's length. Sucked up two more days, but finally found acceptable boxes and figured out the best way to list these things. Will likely cut to close to Christmas to actually be able to use any money I make [and looking at the listings, I'm starting to doubt I'll make anything at all], but I'm trying to remain hopeful. Can't begin to describe how important all this seems to me.

Going to the old house this morning around ten. Likely why I'm still up -- sleep now would be ridiculous. I'll pick up the comics and other things I'm likely to send, then head off to the post office to get an estimate. I can't begin to tell you how ridiculous it seems to me, going to the post office, having them weigh everything and tell me how much it will cost, only to leave and not mail it that day. I guess I'm a very "get-shit-done" kind of person. Actually, not at all. Hah.

Not a good weekend work-wise. Spent a few hours spinning my wheels on "The Trendsetter." Seems like I kept getting distracted, and I'm not easy to distract -- or I am, but it's really odd for a distraction to set me off my work. I'm pretty good at writing and goofing off at the same time.

Talked to Kyle. His enthusiasm made me feel slightly better. Honestly, the writing was starting to feel a little too much like work. Might not make deadline of the beginning of December perfectly, but it still seems doable. Hope to get some done this evening, might be a pipe dream after not sleeping tonight. I can never tell if these things will motivate me, or hinder me.

Casey called this morning. By morning, I mean sometime mid-afternoon. He's really jazzed about this horror film we're working on [Re: Floaters]. I am too. As soon as "Trendsetter" is finished, I think I'm going to sit down and blast some horror films, and try and a get a feel so I can be useful to that. He also had good things to say about "The Wrestler," that Mickey Rourke picture about independent wrestlers. It's a great idea, people are talking like it might be one of the best movies in years, and all I can think of is how I had the idea first. Actually, those grapes aren't even really all that sour -- I like being proved right, a lot, and some ideas are so good, being selfish and insisting that only you can do them justice is massive hubris.

I have several writer friends like that. It's ridiculous, and screams of "writing for accolades" instead of writing something because you think it needs to be told.

Not that I'm against accolades. Priorities, though.

Bad news today. That December writing gig which would have netted me some much needed green is likely a lot farther off than December. The disappointment is heavy on this one, and my possible boss went as far to describe the project as a "long shot." This is the kind of news I feel like I should go out and get drunk over. I won't, but still.

Will admit, my first inclination was to come here, throw a pity party, and just toss out every angry and petty thought in my head. Still pretty tempting. This is a setback, one of too many lately, and again I feel sort of left behind and alone, without the slightest clue what to do next. I feel out of options... and I'm tired. I'm not looking for the world, just an opportunity, a foothold. Something to go with.

Ah well.

Had a new idea today. About straight edge kids, Peter Pan and Wendy, and this strange child culture we seem to be growing up in. Grown-up hobbyists, video game junkies, vintage geeks, and those married folks at the under 21 shows. Think there's something there. We'll see.

Here's something cool -- my old comic book [Re: SULK] partner Sam's sketch blog. She was always the talented one, and even though this is pretty new, I see big things coming from her. Right now, everything over there is just really cool. And I take a sick sort of pride in knowing that when faced with the same handful of pre-made templates for our blogs, we picked the same thing. Go check it out.

Shalom.