I've been having trouble with time.
Happens fleetingly. I'll be sitting in the arm chair, TV on, tapping away at the laptop, and I'll be back at my parent's house, on the old Toshiba, watching episodes of "House"[the ones that still used that weird sun filter glare] which weren't new, but were new to me, and wondering if Mom would need to go to the hospital before the night was over, to check on my Grandma Cottle.
Of course, Phyllis died five years ago. Give or take. I remain shit with dates, and find myself coming back here whenever I need a reference for something in the past two years. But it would have to be five, because I was still at Bennington, still had a roommate, and... I feel vaguely sure that was Ian.
Maybe it was Sam. We didn't get along the best as roomies, but I was also never good enough to him. Plus he had to put up with my digital alarm clock which sounded like church bells in mono when it went off every morning.
All of this sudden reminiscing is not without purpose. Lately I've felt a little like I've been drifting in the deep end of the pool, that sort of lazy treading that catches up to you, exhausts you suddenly, makes you realize you're a little to tired and it's a little too deep. So you kind of try and find that place, where you can feel concrete scrape the skin on your big toe, stretching yourself out to the point of strain, water splashing just over your chin, just below your ears.
You know, you don't need to stand on the bottom. Just want to know it's there.
Semi-pitched something to a friend recently. If it goes off as planned it could be quite a good sized project, with a lot of really talented people involved. Don't want to say much more, because its too early. It's almost all among friends, but I've still been flexing some networking muscles I didn't even know I had.
New book arrived yesterday, so that needs done. Lot of different people have asked me for critique -- it's not pay work, but it's a lot more enjoyable, and it is helping friends. Still working on Dad's probate which -- yes, yes -- should be done. There are many ways to paint the situation as either definitively my fault, or definitively not. My upbringing has assured that anytime where both are possible, the former is always the case.
Still sleeping funny. Worse, I guess. Pulling all-nighters, not seeing the sun because I'm out cold all the next day. Staying up for two or three days at a time, not taking advantage of the extra time, walking around in the haze, dozing off or blacking out for a few hours at a time, pushing myself way beyond the point of being any real use. Taking care of my day to day stuff, but only just. Stuff I've been tooling with has been kind of uninspired, which has been disappointing, because I feel like I'm on the edge of something. Like that big spark is right around the corner.
No huge Labor Day Weekend plans. Not my style, though I might see Justin. Every thing's up in the air.
P.S. Appreciate everyone who has checked Ian's stuff, the Brainwrap/"Seth Martin and Friends" stuff, and anyone who tuned into Savannah's show, "Huge." Really, anything of my friends' I've linked at all. Means a lot to me.