"Comfortably Numb."

I can't seem to get out of my own head today.

It's not something I actively try to do. I'm not running out to any of the [numerous] places here in the neighborhood I could score any number of uppers, downers, all-arounders which I could probably get for free just by dropping the right names. Nor are there loads of legal intoxicants I enjoy enough to imbibe at length to shut off my rambling thought-process. And from my lack of experience with them, I can't say for sure even doing that would make anything better -- my luck, I am the one, poor bastard who'd get jittery and paranoid and sad, and well...

This evening is going to go that way on its own.

Still, there is a way I want to feel this evening, just to shut-off and be nice and numb and stupid for awhile. "Comfortably Numb," as the song goes. Now, as a fan of Pink Floyd since... 13? 15? I can't exactly consider this is a wise pursuit. Nothing that Pink or Little Pink goes through during "The Wall" is exactly something to strive for, in my experience, and if I remember my rock history, the whole of "Comfortably Numb" was written by Roger Waters based on an experience of being medicated during... some STD he had, I'm pretty sure. Although, on reflection, I think David Gilmour wrote "Comfortably Numb" so... I'm not entirely sure how that would work. Maybe he was there too. I've always heard that prescriptions were looser in the U.K., so maybe it was as easy as saying "Ah, wot, we're band mates, howabout giving me some of that too?"

Band mates and over-the-counter liquid morphine. Yes, I picked the wrong profession. Hobby. Nationality?

The point is, I am damn tired, and would like to shut off for awhile. Be someone else. Just for awhile. I want to come back to this, want to see this through. But right now? I wouldn't mind that arm-chair, bad TV, Degrassi Jr. High marathon kind of break. Would revel in it.

Holidays are over. Everyone's gone. I've went and pissed one woman I know off, and another I've embarrassed myself in front of. No excuse for either. Both are private, so you know. Check the black book someday. Maybe it'll all fill out there.

Shame. I know, I know, this is a place to record my progress. Save the game. But chronicling when I am working doesn't paint a fair picture unless I'm also chronicling when I'm not. Or when I don't want to be. And right now?

I need a break. Something fun. Pure fun. No pretension.

...

And the joints in my fingers are killing me. Ah, something else.

Cheers.

P.S. Also, good thoughts to anyone else having a rough time these days. Problems here may seem realer than they actually appear. My thoughts to those with real trials upon them.