Happy birthday, Bella.

Fell asleep at the keyboard a couple hours ago, particularly distressing because I was sleeping mostly upright, and after about an hour of it [or so], I awoke feeling as refreshed and ready as I ever do.

This is not odd. After a project like "The Trendsetter," slipping back into a regular sleep pattern is never exactly easy. And being here, at my grandmother's, there's not exactly great opportunities to take a nice 24 hours straight to reset myself. I've honestly gotten so used to keeping up appearances, and making things look as though everything I'm doing is healthy and on the up and up, I'm just too afraid to do something like that. She worries, after all.

So, I figure, "Plan B." Micro-nap aside, I'm going to try and stick this whole day out, and hit the bed around midnight tonight. If nothing else, a couple of nights of 12-to-12 is bound to at least get me back to sleeping [mostly] at night.

Christmas came and went. I'm still processing it -- the funny thing being after the big day, after I'd stopped trying to be cheery and upbeat, it actually got a lot better. Nothing against grandma, and the little bit of family left I've seen/had, but overall the day itself and lead up was pretty depressing. Didn't see Mom. Didn't see Doug. Didn't see Aaron. And they've been Christmas for almost... sixteen years? Maybe more. I'm sort of reinventing the wheel without them.

This year, my friends picked up the pieces. Ally, Hillary, Justin, Dave and Carrie [They're engaged!], and Kyle all met up at Glen's... food, gifts, Christmas specials, it was really like shoving the whole lead-up to the holiday into the day after, and as different as it was, it was wonderful. It was just so great seeing everyone, and feeling like... they saved Christmas for me.

Christmas futures seem bleak. But Christmas present? No complaints from me.

Managed to reach a lot of people on the phone too -- not as many as I'd like, but I still managed to get through, and get a minute with Sam, Ian, and Anna. I miss them, but this was nice. I'd wish I'd reached more -- I tried so many, but...ah, it's a very busy day.

And presents! I didn't expect presents at all, really didn't want anyone to get me anything, but now I've got new headphones from Hillary, a new grocery bag and some awesome [custom] ATB stickers from Glen, a scarf and fingerless gloves and a shirt from Ally, trading cards of my friends [and me as Hunter!] from Justin, and the previously blogged about Thompson book from Ian. And DVD's, Dave got me the Ric Flair Collection [so much NWA wrestling I grew up on], and Carrie got me the old "Mortal Kombat" movie -- a guilty pleasure if ever there was one. Hell, I don't feel that guilty about it -- that flick is better than it has any right to be. As soon as I can get out, I'll be having "The Dark Knight" join them too -- with the combined Christmas cash I've managed to scrape together.

Man. In better [monetary] times, I've got some pretty kick-ass gifts to make up for.

And then, the next day, there was "The Spirit"[good times], and loaded cheese fries on MMA night at "Quaker State and Lube."

Now, to what comes next. I guess Ally's sticking around for the rest of the week, so at least that gives me one friend very nearby for short-notice get togethers, and there are New Years plans in the works, despite the loss of my little house to my familia shit-storms. These are very good things, since post-"Trendsetter," which is actually far from being "post" in any real way, I have the overwhelming urge to find something useless and fun to do to make up for all this time I've spent obsessing. I don't even know what, but I feel like it has to be awful -- like a Degrassi marathon, or something equally stupid. I want an activity that's pure enjoyment, and as far away from this keyboard as possible.

Other notes. Failed miserable at my Joshi-related plans. I'd have to watch near-nonstop between now and New Years to make my quota, and that doesn't even take into account if anything new's been posted. Wrestling in Japan tends to slow down near Christmas, but it never stops.

Today was sort of a downer, but expected. I had a good time the past several days, and a big of a "down period" was expected. Highs balancing out the lows, and all that. Got better later, talked to Ian for a long time this evening. Always good to catch up. We talked a lot about the "sacrifices" of choosing our particular vocations and being young, single, and just a little mad in rural and suburban areas. Things like never getting to date casually, the lack of that "art people" vibe, no one who seems even close to the allure of "Bennington girls" [someone should remind me to send a note to Lex Friedman I think I put a little of her into my "Faye" character in the Trendsetter. I only wish I knew her better]... you know, nothing real, no serious deprivation... not children starving in China or the horrors of Darfur by any stretch. But its sort of cool, a little like-minded bitching. And it was nice to tell someone about all the progress on the script, and he complimented the blog, which... I still don't know entirely what it's for, but its good someone likes it.

Saw on the news that Nintendo is weaponizing the Wii remote for the Pentagon. Just let that settle in for a minute. Still not entirely sure what it means. If I get some links, I'll throw them up for kicks.

Speaking of links, been listening to my friend Andrew's first LP. I would definitely recommend it... it is the first thing of his I've actually sat down and listened too proper-like, and some of the tracks, particularly "Malodor," has really stuck with me.

Glen has some new shirts up over on his blog. I like both of these a lot, and my "wish list" for splitreason.com gear just keeps getting larger. I dig the Kraken one mostly because it's black, and because the subject matter freaks me out in the best way -- and the Street Fighter one is obvious in its awesomeness, I think. I actually went back on Justin's arcade machine and picked up Alpha after Glen's design reminded me of the coolness of those games -- god, the four button KOF games have really spoiled me. Even as Sakura, I suck.

PBS has been showing "Prime Suspect : The Final Act" on Masterpiece Theatre. Can't recommend it enough -- seems the Brits even know how to do a police procedural better than we do. Especially like how it's shot... that darker, grittier look TV has over there. Plus, I've got a bit of a thing for Helen Mirren, full disclosure.

Today is going to go a bit long, I'm guessing. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. Have some notes on "The Trendsetter" for draft #3, but I'm in no hurry to get started. Kyle gave me a couple of weeks to convalesce, and its my intention to try and do just that. Wanted to listen to Regina Spektor for the first time in ages this morning, and to do that, I need to finally get my external hard drive in order so iTunes can work it's magic. And Kaki King... oh, I've got a hankering to hear her music again, and in the first time in awhile, a little pocket change to get her "not-so-new-anymore" new album. Would like to put some time in on a different writing project too, but... Christ, I'm still so burned out.

This is one of those blog entries I wish had a little more style to it. I'm fumbling badly, just because I'm tired. In Hunter's letters, it was still so interesting -- so him. I wish I was like that, and I hate showing myself before I get to that level. Then again, heroes aside, I can only be me. He says, as he ends with...

Shalom.