My stomach has been upset for the past several days, and there are so many different things wrong, I can't even guess which reason is responsible. I want out of this house, I want something to do, and most importantly, I want it to be something I can't screw up.
I feel like I'm screwing everything up. This week has just been awful, and the worst parts of it I've either a) got nothing to say about or b) can't talk about here. The short of it all is that my nerves are shot and my judgment is crap, and maybe worst of all I know how far off my game I actually am, which is really frustrating in its own way. Especially knowing myself, anyway.
It all seems stupid, put so plainly.
This week hasn't been an entire waste. I got my long boxes in, which puts one small concern out of the way, and I finally found an acceptable, affordable laptop bag for the new computer [a father's day sale, of all things. Jesus]. Also found an online army surplus store that looks really promising, www.armysurplusworld.com, especially since the ones in the area have been sort of a letdown. Though I did hear about one the other day that I might try and get Justin to check out with me. Plus I still need a ride to pick up my comic books from Cheryl's, and tell her about Dad... in case she hasn't heard yet.
So, yeah. Lot of shopping-related things on my mind. And I got a haircut. It's weird, during Dad's service, while I was in the suit, I kept thinking how I should have gotten one before. And it's been so hot lately -- I just got all of the back hair chopped off, hardly touched the front. It's nice to have it off my neck, and even though it sort of looks like a girl's style, I'm kind of pleased with it. Can pretty much do whatever, and it manages itself. If nothing else, it was a nice chore. A task to do.
Some writing got done too. I came up with two new "Trendsetter" scenes, and worked on the outline a little bit -- mostly just rearranging chairs, in a literary sense, but helpful in getting an idea of the arc of the story. I was worried about that a lot, a few weeks ago.
Talked to Kyle yesterday about "Nova" -- he enjoyed it, which was encouraging, because I did feel like there was a little something there, and it was a nice distraction to work on it. He gave me a nice idea for an opening scene, and just fooling around today, I think I finished the ending of it. There are five or ten pages between what I have, and what I came up today.
I get a report on how many people download any given file I post -- though only one person took a look at "Christmas on the Titanic," I know "Nova" has been downloaded at least six times, and if you did read it, I'd be interested in what you thought, or maybe something you'd like to see in it. I'm going to finish it, just because it's practically done anyway. I'm not trying to call anyone out, but if you want to post a comment here, or e-mail me [Re: email@example.com], I'd appreciate it.
Also got a photographer lined up in the next couple weeks for work on "The Familiar." This was good, because for at least one location, things have gotten kind of pressing.
Actually, that requires a little explanation. Post-Bennington, I went on this weird-ass tear where I didn't sleep for a week and wrote this screenplay called "The Familiar," which was, among other things, about vampires on Elk River. There's a long explanation as to what brought those strange bedfellows together, but the part of it was me putting all these places I'd seen or passed by so much as a kid into something I was working on. And the look it really important to me, like I know, if I get to make this movie, that these places will have to be reconstructed to fit what I want. And my memory's not so hot, and even Elk River changes... some, as time goes on. So getting it just right, having it documented seems really important. One of those things I keep talking about doing.
Naturally, one of those places is Dad's house. Access to it now may not be as easy, or may even be impossible if his wife has to sell the trailer, move out of the lot. Now was the time. So I threw up a note on Facebook, luckily first responder was who I had in mind. She's good, I'll probably put some links to her work on the blog, the closer we come to working this out, but I have high expectations.
And it would be nice, and useful, to have a photographer I could call or bring in on things, someone who I'd... not trained, exactly, but worked with from the beginning. And the whole idea, my whole "master plan," was to get other people involved, get other artists breaks, too, and this seems in that vein. I'm looking forward to it, and it'll be nice to have that to get lost in. I've had some thoughts on how to fix the screenplay [Re: The Familiar], so this might bring some new inspiration. It's also just nice to look ahead.
Also talked to my friend Shea. He's a comic book artist, littler frustrated he hasn't had anything to draw. So I told him I'd try and put something together. Need to call him, see what kind of thing he's looking for.
I hate this heat. I miss Vermont in the winter. Wrapped up in my coat, with all the beautiful girls in their scarves, pale skin and nice smiles. I'm romanticizing. But it was perfect. I wasn't. I think I'd do it better now. But who knows?
Mom mentioned my Birthday. It's hard to believe that's almost here again.