Today hasn't been one of my better ones. I haven't been sleeping much since last week [shocker, there], and this morning was used mostly to repay a little of my ever-expanding sleep debt. Rolled out of bed about two, far later than I intended, feeling not altogether anxious to get up, but not really knowing why. I felt a little irritable -- every off-the-cuff Facebook status message or response felt like a slight, and I found myself running past conversations over again in my head, and feeling upset, as though someone had been slyly badmouthing me, and I'd only just noticed. They hadn't, and of course I recognized this, but it made me feel surly. I opted to stay in bed a bit longer, and took some time to catch up on some e-mails and reading,
When I finally ventured out, dinner conversation didn't improve things much; my grandmother's cousin is in town, which is actually really wonderful, and gives grandma something to do and a chance to take her mind off things. However, a sad but unfix-able aspect to any visiting relative now is a lot of talk about Dad, talk that I don't have as much control over. Which is not to paint myself as a control freak, per se, but it's still a delicate enough subject at times that I like to be able to say "I'm done with this," at least momentarily. Instead, there was another walk through of events on the day he died, which didn't help the anxiety attack that had apparently disguised itself as morning [early afternoon] crabbiness.
About an hour ago the feeling abated, but I still did my best to avoid people and not take any drastic action. I've been trying to work out the second issue of "Real Quality Comics," which I had an idea for about a day after finishing the previous one, but have as yet been unable to come up with an outline for. I was no more successful today, but considering my mood, I wasn't surprised, nor did I blame myself all that much for it. A little later, an episode of "Gangland" came on, a show I've been a little taken with since I watched "Bastards of the Party" on HBO a year or so back. Feeling inspired, and a little distracted, I worked out a rough treatment for an idea I've been kicking around awhile, called "Bad Guys."
"Bad Guys" is a movie idea I had while working at the book store last winter. At the time it wasn't much, sort of just an independent movie-type love story about a guy who runs guns from Nashville to New York, working with a real detestable piece of shit while in Nashville, while dating a woman who worked in legal aid and public defense. Working on it, I found my Tarantino sensibilities made the bits with the scumbags and their customers far more interesting to write than the love story, and when I realized that the whole of the script was going to just be long conversations between felons, and short bursts of self-loathing. Plus, it was looking like it was going to clock in at just under forty pages, which meant some actual plot might be necessary, which I didn't have at the time.
I deleted what I had done [which wasn't very good], but kept my written notes. I've been thinking about them and looking them over a lot lately, and with the help of "Gangland," I think I might have a nice ensemble cast crime screenplay on my hands. The ending I have in mind isn't bad either, though I'm going to have to watch "No Country For Old Men" again, and make sure I'm not stealing it.
Anyway, I finished the treatment just over an hour ago. Nowhere near ready to get started yet, but a nice thing to put back, in case my interest is sparked again. I don't know if having the task helped calm me down [most of my friends would say it did, I feel somehow doubtful of that, though], or if I was just finally all panicked out for the day, but I started feeling better about 3:30. Physically, I'm exhausted, but my mind is buzzing now. So much for tonight.
Saw Justin this Sunday [re: Calamity Cash and the Town with No Name]. He and his girlfriend have just moved into a nice apartment in town. Been about a month or so since we've hung out, and he showed me the new pages [excerpts here], which really look amazing. Work is going a bit slower, because he's doing some temping, and might be starting another new job soon, and with the move and everything else, he needs time to get settled. At this point, there's really no rush on the project, and it turned out so huge and so much has gone on this year since we undertook the project that I'm just so happy it's survived, and it's turning out so well.
Another newsworthy thing [as if anything on this blog ever qualifies as news] is that on the 28th, the Mojo Wire will have officially been around for a full year. I've had a lot of thoughts on how to commemorate this, I've even considered that it might be more my style to blow past the anniversary completely, but I haven't decided anything yet. Looking through old entries, it crossed my mind to finally do that mission statement, but I think Ian might have made it so anything I came up with would look like self-parody. So we'll see. There is a part of me that feels I'd be doing a disservice to this space if I didn't do something, especially after the year this has been.
There's also hope that some writing will get done.