Calamity Cash Fan Appreciation Week 2: Eric M. Esquivel

EDIT: December 20th, 2018:

This post is ages old, and I don't even know if there's anything marking this all out will do. But here is the long and short of it - Cynthia Naugle recently made a statement about Esquivel: http://cynthianaugle.blogspot.com/ It goes without saying, I believe Cynthia - she is one of the bravest, big-hearted people I know. The honest truth is I knew Esquivel, and considered him an internet friend - my artist on this project didn't know him, has never worked with him, and does not deserve to have his excellent artwork associated with something so disgusting as Esquivel, so I'm pulling down this photograph. I don't want anyone to think I'm attempting to hide past interactions with him - you'll find other mentions and praise for him on this blog, and I loathe the idea anyone might find these in a vacuum and take them as current endorsements of the guy. I didn't know, I had shit radar on this, and others don't deserve to suffer for it.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

Eric M. Esquivel is pretty much the "Man of Tomorrow" when it comes to comics - he's the name you'll see writing forty books and being called "The New Fraction" or "The New Bendis" and the like, which is fine, but honestly I'll herald him [even if I have to climb up on a silver surfboard to do so] as the First Eric Esquivel. Riding a huge wave of sequential awesomeness that includes The Blackest Terror and Thor: Unkillable Thunder Christ [both working with our fellow collaborator, the mega-talented Ander Sarabia] for Moonstone, and the upcoming Electric Youth for Big Dog Ink. And here's our superstar holding the comic I wrote. 

[Picture Removed]

You can keep up with Eric in a myriad of places, the one I'd most recommend is his blog/tumblr, where talks at great length about the projects he's working on, signings and appearances, and his crush on/worship of Tony Stark, along with his main website, emecomics.com.

If you're into social media, you can "Like" his fan page on Facebook too, and follow him @ericMesquivel on Twitter. I suggest doing them all - they're each a different, but uniquely Eric experience.

And thanks for the support, man.

Order your copy of "Calamity Cash & the Town with No Name" via the button on the sidebar, or here:

 

"Calamity Cash & The Town with No Name" (25 pages, $3.50, plus shipping): The mother/daughter vigilante team of Tana and Cal Cash are on the run from an Afro-rocking, Kung-Fu assassin, and have been forced to make their last stand in a nameless desert town hiding an unbelievable secret - every last citizen is in the Witness Protection program! Out of gas, low on ammo, and with their backs against the wall, Calamity and Mama Cash become the town's unlikely protectors, but with friends so quickly becoming enemies, and old enemies becoming friends, is the whole place doomed to burn? And will our heroines be the ones to light the first match? A modern-day action/adventure western with words by Randall Nichols, and art by Justin Cornell.

Warren Ellis and good readin'.

So, Warren Ellis put this up on his blog, and I just think it really deserves a read if you care about comics, print, digital, web or serialized, or otherwise:

"The Broadcast of Comics."

Sometimes you just need to hear things, or maybe some things just sound enough like good news, to inspire just a little bit of hope. And I've been so... frustrated lately, with my own work, mostly, that this just hit me right, hit me at a good time. I feel so much like web comics are treated as a passing fad, and in weird sort of way it was actually the for-free comics on the internet that got me through the doldrums of my last year of high school more than their paper-based alternatives. And while I won't claim to be as... forward thinking as Ellis is about these things, but I do think part of my weird... stand-offishness when it comes to digital comics might have root in some of the things Ellis talks about.

But that can't, of course, be all. I'm just not sure, and I keep reading it, and thinking about it. I don't know.

Justin and I talked recently. As you know, we've been on a long adventure with our 52 page comic book "Calamity Cash and the Town with No Name." To speak for Justin as much as I'm comfortable doing, I feel like working on the book has been a pretty present thing in his really busy life, and yet in our weekly get-together he said he was looking realistically at reaching the end soon. That is a strange thought, that it might actually be finished soon, and what the world will look like without it as a finished project seems kind of mystifying to me, as I imagine it must to Justin. The honest fact is, sometimes comics happen fast, and sometimes they don't, and I don't feel like a lot of excuses are necessary.

A lot has happened over the past couple years, and I find myself wondering what would have happened had we taken the web comic approach. I'm fairly sure Justin wouldn't have cared for the idea, but I wonder if a page going up on the web, for free, even intermittently over that time, might have generated some interest in the thing we'll finally end up printing. Thinking about it, that might not have been the best idea for a project like this one - especially as Justin has looked at so much of the work as practice, and especially since so much of that script was such a mess [and I am still glad I got to take a second run at the last half].

I suppose it would depend on who I'm collaborating with, but I think if I was going to do anything quite so long with someone, I might at least float the idea of putting it up free, a page at a time, on the internet. I wouldn't be disappointed if whoever I'm working with turned this down, I just can't help but wonder, as an experiment, if that might be workable, and interesting for people. I think the general wisdom with web comics is that two years is about how long it takes to get rudimentary exposure [thanks Cheri], barring some amazing act of god or Penny Arcade. So for a longer piece, even if it was something you were just going to take down once you committed to actually selling it - starting as a web comic might be an interesting tactic.

There are also many intangibles. The mind boggles.

I have been writing a little bit, playing with a character from VHS Generation, the short comic Ander Sarabia and I are going to do. But my output is still not consistent, and I already have several book reviews I need to get through. I just... really want to get back to creating, to writing creative things, and telling stories, and do so with some regularity. I am unsure how to whip myself into shape, and I still feel, physically, run down from these allergies. Still, I remember when that wouldn't stop me, not even slightly slow me down. I know it's not age, so it must be laziness. And I kind of find this unacceptable of me.

Speaking of Ander, the Blackest Terror book he's working on with the talented Eric Esquivel for Moonstone continues to get press, excitingly enough on Newsarama this time, where Eric gave an interview about the project and the string of other comics to follow it. It's very exciting - I always looked at being interviewed for anything as a sign that you'd really made it [after all, I grew up in Wizard's heyday], and I just wanted to give it a proper plug, as it's not too late to order a copy at your local comic shop.

While I'm plugging things, oft-linked friend John Wiswell has two of his best - "Sologamous" and "Kill Mommy" on Untied Shoelaces with audio readings added to them. [Also on the Randall Nichols list of signs that you've really made it is having someone else read your work aloud, something that to me screams the same thing that having your work read aloud in class meant in our pre-teen years - that you've done something truly exceptional.] What's great is, if you've been unwilling to try out John's Bathroom Monologues out of fear that driving while reading might cause you to smear your lipstick or spill piping hot Egg McMuffin all over yourself, you can now just download the audio to your mobile device. No excuse now.

Best.

The Short Saga of Metales Pesados

Feeling a little discouraged right now.

Been on tear as of late, not that I've been doing a lot of good work or anything, but I've been writing fairly regularly, and have been pleased with the results. I think "I don't miss the green" [also, special thanks to Lauren and Emi for commenting, and the encouragement] is a bit of testament to that, and I've been enjoying writing everyday again, even if it's mostly just small stuff.

To preface, first I have this fascination with lucha libre, and luchadors, Mexican professional wrestlers known for their masks, and almost super hero-like personalities, which probably doesn't surprise anyone since I'm a pretty well outed pro-wrestling fan. But lucha libre in particular is interesting to me, largely in my youth most of the masked wrestlers I came across were American or Japanese, or worse, Mil Mascaras [so awful], but as I got older I begin to be introduced to these dynamic and interesting looking masked athletes on Monday night television, and thankfully a fellow movie and wrestling nerd turned me on to the films of El Santo. El Santo was probably the most popular luchador in Mexico, save perhaps for the current WWE superstar Rey Mysterio [to hear some tell, Rey is one of the most recognizable figures in all of Mexico - ironic, for a masked man], and "The Saint's" popularity didn't end in the ring, and he also starred in a string [at least 50] of what I guess we'd call B-movies today, where he fought not only other rudo [bad guy] luchadores, but also ninjas, mobsters, and monsters like werewolves and vampires.

I have a pair of luchadores I created, sort of in tribute to that, and sort of just so I could play with the conventions on my own time, a tag team called Metales Pesados, or Heavy Metal, who I occasionally write silly little things for, or, more often, make edits and CAWs of on various wrestling video games. They're a little ridiculous, but I think trying to get across the prestige of these two figures in something slightly more serious - but still fun - would be something that I've occasionally aspired to do.

Anyway, Thursday, I was out running errands, and I got a pretty good idea for a story in the same spirit as "I don't miss the green"... but starring one of my two masked warriors. The story hit me pretty fast, and even though it was quite a bit more light-hearted than "I don't miss the green" I still felt like I could make it work, and sort of dropped everything while out to get it down - this flash of inspiration clearly being of the "have to get this out now, or I may never get the chance" kind. I found myself sort mock punching as I wrote, thoroughly enjoying the experience of getting the story on the page, but more importantly, just enjoying writing the story. When I finished, I had what felt like a pretty unique tale, and even if it wasn't, it was so much fun to work on, I was all smiles - and quite anxious to get it back home to type it out, and work through any problems so that I might post it, or use it for something.

Still, stopping everything to write put me pretty well behind on... well, everything, so I didn't really get to sit down with my story, "Dia de la Vida," until yesterday, and I found myself really disheartened that the short which had brought me so much joy the day before seemed awkward, and fumbling. Repetitive too, not to mention a little lighter on the word count than even I expected [stuff in the moleskin is always shorthand, and always shorter - "I don't miss the green" was literally half its length, originally]. It's the first real stumble since I've gotten started again, so I'm sure it's just stinging more now than it would under normal circumstances, but I'm just... ah, bummed about it. I think what I ended up with after a little proofing isn't all that bad, but with the connection it has, even fleetingly, to a much better story like "I don't miss the green" I didn't feel okay posting it. I might still, in the future, I might actually do more work on it. But it would be a disservice to the better story - and that's hitting me as more important than any disappointment I have about not getting to do right by a couple of Santo-inspired characters.

Which, actually, I think is saying something.

I have been wondering if maybe "Dia de la Vida" might be better suited to be a comic book - sometimes when my prose is this descriptive, yet still clumsy, it's a good sign that what I'm working on would be better suited for a more visual medium. Looking at it now, I can't really tell what sort of commitment that would be, how much work that would be. I guess it really doesn't matter... despite my final call, I still want to do right by Metales Pesados. More importantly, I'd like to get back that big smile I had when I finished writing the damn thing the first time.

Otherwise, I'm feeling good about my work output. Again, I'm writing every day, it's not as much of a struggle as it was before the hiatus, and I'm just generally feeling like I'm getting better at managing my time. There are a few things on the horizon that could upset that particular apple cart, but I'm going to do my best to keep that from happening.

I wrote something today, a rant on a topic that I feel like I've been thinking about a lot lately, and have been wanting to address in a lot of different ways. What I ended up with was a fairly artless, straightforward essay that was basically an airing of grievances, which also almost got posted here. But I'm holding it back too because I feel like there might be a more clever way to deal with some of my angst regarding the topic. Also, it's possible being so overt about my feelings might just piss people off. And if you're going to do that, there is something to be said for trying to be clever.

On the side, I've been looking at an early draft of a Cheri Borgstrom project [some might recall I wrote some scripts for her webcomic a year or so back] and trying to help get her notes back on that as quickly possible, and Justin and I have been meeting once a week, with comic talk happening there [re: Calamity Cash and the Town with No Names]. I've also gotten back in touch with Ander, but he's naturally swamped [he and Eric's Moonstone work is really picking up steam], though even when busy I never expect to go too long without hearing from him - he's just that damn good a friend. I've had a lot of ideas for VHS Generation related projects, all revolving around the father figure depicted within.

Thank pity for daddy issues.

Not to jinx myself, but I feel back in the game. Current plans are loose, but finishing "The Tagalong" feels like where I'll be headed next, and I've got an old, old, old, old, almost pre-dates "Sulk: The Morning After" script that I'm going to dig up, and see if it's as funny as I remember [re: probably not]. And there's still "Cherry Stone" and a bunch of little ideas I had over my hiatus. A lot of this is going to depend on some things I can't really talk about here, but I'm hopeful life will be stable enough that I can make headway on some of these projects. Of course, right now, it's all just talk.

If you're one of my northeast friends, be safe. I tried to reach out to as many people as possible, but lack of sleep makes me a pretty absent-minded friend. I generally dismiss weather-related worries, especially these days when everyone thinks everything is a sign of the end times, but I'll admit seeing the coverage of Hurricane Andrew in my youth left me with a touch more trepidation as it concerns this particular kind of natural disaster.

Besides, it's New York. Say what you will about the city [I'm kind of fond of it], but when things happen to New York, it always feels a little bit like its happening to the entire country.

I needed the week.

Woke up from a couple hours sleep, realized I should really get back to this.

Yeah. A whole week not blogging is not great coming from the guy who gave the big speech about getting back into it. Baby steps? No real excuse.

There's also no good way to say that some things just came down the pipe on me, and I think I was more than a little exhausted from all the paying work, so the past several days have just been days which I haven't wanted to write, and when I tried [I had a really good angle on one of those essays, I thought], it really didn't come. And that's... just what happens. We have dry periods.

It's really fashionable with nearly all the writers I know to write no matter what's going on with them - whether they have writer's block, or don't, whether they're dealing with emotional shit or not. Some quote about how you find you won't be able to tell what you wrote when you forced it, as opposed to when it comes naturally gets passed around on Twitter more than chlamydia on college campuses, and it's probably valid but it's just not how I work. Maybe, if that's actually true, one day.

But until then.

Right now it's more about just getting back on track. I felt like I was on a tear before my grandmother went into the hospital, and since then I just haven't been as productive. I had a plan then, actually a couple. Getting back to "The Tagalong" should be priority one, but I've been looking a lot at my outline for "Cherry Stone" when I wake up every morning. It's probably just because that moleskin is easier to pull into bed than my laptop, but still. There's no reason I can't work on both. I just need to get motivated again.

Haven't heard from Ander, but again, I haven't really been talking to many people this past week. No link this post, his website is private at the moment, probably an indication he's shaking some things up again, as I'm sure he has a ton of new pieces to post from working with Eric. So no word on "VHS Generation" - though, honestly, he might be waiting to hear from me. I spoke to Justin the other day, he and his wife Staci had some amazing work in a gallery in Huntington, and I went to that [ran into Kyle too - always good to see him, he seems well]. Justin is currently doing some drawing for other projects, but he's also picked up the comic [Re: Calamity Cash and the Town with No Name] again, and things seem to be progressing. He also gave me something of his, a rough outline for a project he's been talking about doing for as long as we've been working together, and I'm going to take a look at it for him.

I have spent entirely too much money on myself the past few days - mostly what you'd expect from me, books and the like, but I also picked up a new tie, as my woven ones seem a little lowbrow for the wedding coming up, and also a new pair of shoes, not for the wedding, but more because my current pair are awful to walk in, and I'm trying to get a little more active. A lot of my best inspiration came while on long walks, and even though it didn't improve my physique, I felt a great deal healthier when I actually got out, moved around a little more.

The "big" purchase [the shoes cost more...ugh] was me biting the bullet and getting a webcam. I passed on it as an option when I bought this laptop originally, because it saved me somewhere in the era of eighty bucks which I could then put towards processing power. In retrospect, even with the few problems I've had with this machine, I've been wishing I wouldn't have went as budget as I did, and want to start buying a few items that will supplement it, make up for the shortcomings I've mostly just been working around, and one of those things was a web camera. I Skype with enough people that it's probably not the worst investment, and there are some projects I'm thinking about trying my hand at Kickstarter to fund - mind you, that last thing is more hypothetical at moment, but not having the camera, not being able to make a video and say "Hey, I'm Randall, and I'm working on this..." has been one of those little stopping points in my head that I just don't need there anymore.

Anything else that comes out of this is cake - I might even try video blogging. I'm not sure about that one, it was just suggested [suggested in a way that implied that video blogs are stupid, and just the fear that mine might be stupid was no reason not to try it, but still, suggested], though I never could stand the sound of my own voice played back to me. I feel a little like this is one of those things that I can sense the potential in, but might not be clever enough to tap into.

So I don't know. You ever have a time in your life where the things that come naturally suddenly seem hard? Where stuff you want to do, really want to do, feels like a chore? I have these moments. Like there's a barrier - a membrane, cutting me off from what I want to do, an obstacle that I need to push past, to break through. Which is possible, but not easy, and takes an effort great enough that I'm not always sure I can keep the momentum up once I can get through. Doubt. Doubt fucks with everything.

That's kind of topical if you know it.

Parables.

My computer's casing cracked again. I'm not entirely sure why - yes, I move it around a lot, but it's not like I'm wacking it against things or dropping it on the floor. I think I have just begun to come to terms with the fact that I bought a budget-priced laptop, and the wear and tear is just the side-effect of that. It is the exact same kind of problem I paid Dell somewhere in the area of 200 dollars to fix before. This time I just took super glue, and press the cracks together, sealing the whole thing up on the outside. It looks like crap, like I actual took a butane lighter and melted the casing back together, but otherwise, it has worked perfectly.

It is in these moments I fear I may have forgotten myself.

I find myself wondering why I have strayed so far from these sorts of solutions to my problems, why I had gotten to a place where functional [when all I needed was function] wasn't good enough. It screams of trying to impress someone, and missing the point of what I should really be doing entirely.

I've been pretty busy this past week - most of it has been from paying work. My book reviews have gotten a little intense, longer books arriving at shorter intervals from each other - nothing to complain about, what I get is really just a roll of the dice, and when I get it is almost entirely up to me, when I turned my last review in. But occasionally when two land so close together it's easy to feel overwhelmed, like all I'm doing are reviews, and that's when a pretty sweet deal tends to feel a little more like a job. The company seems really pleased with the work I do though, and I like that, and I don't know this for sure but I've felt lately like I've been getting better assignments from them. I can't think of a single way they'd do that, but still.

It's one of those management tools I picked up from Terry back in the day - letting your people know they're doing good work can really make them feel better about said work they're doing, even if the tasks themselves haven't changed much.

Speaking of Terry, working on the press releases for our PRSA-WV Crystal Award win was what the bulk of last week went to. You can see a bit about our win here on the PRSA website [search "Vandalia," "Angela Beth Armstead," or "Terry Lively" on the page to see the exact info], and I'll link one of the press releases proper if either go up on the web. I got eight billable hours out of doing the releases, which is pretty accurate to the actual time spent working on them - I'm still in that place where there's always an hour or two I forget to account for, and I'm never comfortable guessing and charging the client for that, but I was much better at keeping track this time. I thought it turned out well, but I promised a final edit, which will probably come down the tube sometime this week.

I also got this on Twitter last week from my cousin Travis, concerning the copy I did for his website, TCustomz.com:

DM from TCustomz: "dude, i'm on the first page of Google for "soul beats" and "sampled beats" thanks to your writing"

This? This I really love. This is a DM notification I'd frame if possible. Twitter should look in to maybe selling prints of said tweets. If I got these for everything I worked on, I almost wouldn't need paid.

I also said goodbye to my kid brother this week. Aaron's... shipping out, sans the ship, headed to basic training as part of the US Army. My mom and step-dad threw a small get-together in his honor on Saturday, and even though I'm just as proud of him as anyone, I still have crazy-mixed feeling about my only sibling going off to join the armed forces in this particular climate. Anyone who doesn't give a shit about politics clearly has never had someone they loved in a position to be put in harms way, and I've just been kind 0f... I'll be honest, I'm not even half-way to untangling all my emotions as it concerns his enlisting. I was very lucky to have my friend Beck along with me, it helped take the edge off like you wouldn't believe, and though I've tried, I'll never really be able to thank her enough for that.

The crazy thing is, Aaron is one of the strongest guys I know, and as much as I'm sweating this for him, I imagine to him it's probably next to no big deal. He has this amazing ability to be calm in the face of things that most of us couldn't even dream of dealing with in such a composed and measured manner, and I honestly don't believe there's anything they can throw at him that will ever be able to throw him. But hey. He's my little brother.

I worry.

I'll be out from under these book reviews by the fourth [there's always more, but hopefully not in the same quick succession], and imagine I'll have notes on the press releases and will have made all the important changes by then, too. I'm hoping to have the time to work on some of my more creative projects after, either editing on "The Tagalong," or maybe starting the script for "Cherry Stone." Both have been on my mind a whole lot lately, and I'd like to have the time to put some work in on them. Plus, I have this nice stack of new books from friends for my Birthday that I'd love to start tearing into ["Bone," anyone? Also, Gillen and McKelvie's "Phonogram" - and a bunch of Tina Fey's essays].

I'm also hoping to have an update about "VHS Generation" from Ander. I know he was under the gun on deadlines for a bit, but last we talked he also seemed like he was making some headway on maybe some layouts, or something nifty I could show off here. The same is true for Justin - I heard from him around my birthday, and it looks like he's found a better way to schedule time for the comic [re: "Calamity Cash and the Town with No Name"] around or maybe during his working hours, so I wouldn't be surprised if I have something to show off for that in the next couple weeks too.

Serve the Servant(s)

Few things to run through. Just not like, you know, on a sword.

First up, congratulations to my kid brother, Aaron, who graduated from high school this past week. As you can see in the picture, like most high school grads, he can't quite see what all the fuss is about - a feeling I remember well, the sort of "what did you expect was going to happen" vibe that makes it difficult to understand what all the fuss is about. While I certainly felt like high school was going to go on forever, and even hypothesized once to a very stoned friend that maybe it would, that somewhere along the way we had died, and went to hell, and that this was our eternal damnation, two kids forced to live the same day over and over again, backs to the same wall, going through the same routine, over and over again, with no deviation. All as some punishment from some past deviation.


I think what I neglected back then, what the grads are probably suppose to neglect, is that this was not so much a day for the grad. Commencement is for the families, the relatives. A show you act in, but would really not be too keen on watching.

I enjoyed the ceremony, found a lot of hilarity in how high strung my mother was, and gave Aaron a nice gift to commemorate the day. I tracked down an old Raketa watch from the 1970s, the sort issued in the Soviet Military along with the more ostentatious and common [so I'm told] Vostok watches. He's always been a bit of a war buff, and I wanted to get him a watch because my Dad got me one when I graduated, and that seemed to fit. Plus, a proper tank of wind-up that only the USSR can make? Can't beat that.

And it's hard not to find the tiny "CCCP" pretty nifty too.

We got my grandmother home on Thursday, and most of my time since then has been getting her settled in, making sure she doesn't overdo it before getting back to 100%. She's always been intensely independent, and I personally believe that you don't live and go through the things she has, and then have to get ordered around by some 20-something, no matter how good his intentions are. So it's mostly about keeping up with things, getting them done so she just doesn't have to worry about them. We're slipping back into a regular routine here, but it might be another week before I get back to serious work on any sort of writing project.

It's good to have her home. I appreciate all the support, all the nice things said or done by folks while I was dealing with all this. Thank you.

This whole thing is the major reason while my normal, daily linking of things on my Twitter page has stopped. I apologize to anyone who thinks I might be snubbing them by not throwing them some coverage, believe me, I want to, I've just been really busy and really distracted, and that's put a crimp in things. Most everything I link tends to show up in the right sidebar there under "Blog Roll," so I'd recommend checking there daily. Even if I haven't blogged [and that might continue to be sparse too], please come back and see what all my friends have been up to.

Also, something to check out:

TCustomz.com

Some, though not all, of my copy for TCustomz.com has went live. Travis is exceptionally pleased with what we have so far, and we're really only one sit-down and probably a little bit of editing from yours truly away from being completely finished. It was a new experience for me, as I'd put website copy together before, but never for a company like this, and there is very little out there to use as examples or build upon. I'm pleased though, and again, feeling a little better about trusting myself.

Speaking of web copy, the company I was working for on the Angela Beth Armstead, DDS website - Terry Lively's Vandalia Productions - has won an award from the West Virginia branch of The Public Relations Society of America. I don't know much in the way of details yet, but apparently there's going to be a dinner/reception on the 15th that I'll be attending. We're all going as group, company solidarity, I'll probably write more about it when I have more information. It seems like a pretty big deal, though.

As personal work goes, I want to thank John, Ian, Max, and Dave for all the kind words and retweets on "Dante Hicks is Dead." That meant a lot, and along with the "likes" on Facebook, I'm thinking these essays are something I might like to pursue. I jumped the gun a little with this one - I don't feel nearly ready to churn these out on anything resembling a regular basis - but that they elicited any response at all made me think I wasn't crazy to put some time towards this first one, and that it was all positive seems like an even greater endorsement. I am sitting on about ten other rough topics for these essays- originally, I was considering something only 80s and 90s-based, but I've since had a couple of ideas concerning things like Scott Pilgrim and Bryan Danielson, so this might just become something of a catch-all "my life through pop culture" kind of memoir thing.

So there will be more, under the tag of "Casey Jones's Blues." I expect it could be a little bit before a second installment, just because, again, I put "Dante Hicks is Dead" up before I really had an overall theme in mind or anything like that. I've also got to finish "The Tagalong" and some stuff that I have been working on/putting off since before I decided to throw this first essay in a series out into the world. But I feel pretty confidant that I'm going to keep at it, and hopefully soon, if only because I've been reading so much Joan Didion, and Bucky Sinister.

If you know their work, you'll see where I'm coming from.

Brief letter from Ander recently, telling me to expect an email sometime this week. Possibly "VHS Generation"-related artwork? Fingers crossed.

Speaking of comics, my friend Sarah told me today that "Girls with Slingshots," a web comic I enjoy immensely but desperately need to catch up on, is authored by a West Virginia native, someone still actually living here in Sheperdstown. I had not known this about Danielle Corsetto, and am a little bummed that she hasn't gotten more local coverage [or perhaps I had just missed it], but I found myself almost too excited about it, a little gleam of hope that I haven't had since finding out Norm Scott [that'd be of "Hsu and Chan" fame] was also from around here. Of course, I don't draw, which is really a problem since it's so difficult finding people up for any sort of long-term collaboration, but still.

Also local, not comic-related, but still cool, the oft-linked, always quality Glen "Mario's Closet" Brogan has begun working on a mural in the city of Charleston. You can see his announcement of the project here, and some posts about his progress here and here. Big congratulations to Glen on this - we're all proud of him.

Looks, it's no secret that I hate it in this state. You can point a lot of fingers as to whose fault that is or isn't, whether I'm difficult, or if there's just nothing here. I find people will make their own decisions, there. The long and short of it is that Randall Nichols and West Virginia have not worked out for each other in many creative ways - but those who it has, those who I would like to call peers [as the gaps between their successes and my failures grow, I feel worse for doing that], their accomplishments are substantial, and I like celebrating them, want to celebrate them. And stuff like this gives me hope that myself and WV may one day work for each other enough so that the two of us can go our separate ways, hopefully in peace.

Hoping to grab just a little bit of sleep. Feeling a little more tired than usual.

Much Love - Ander Sarabia relaunches his portfolio, Justin Cornell's sketchbooks are up for sale and more!

On this rather auspicious day, I thought I'd focus on spreading the love, and show off some of the amazing things my friends have been working on.

Ander Sarabia, the amazingly talented artist from across the ocean, the Bilbao-based illustrator of any writer's dreams who I collaborated with on "A Change is Gonna Come," and am currently logging time with for our next short subject comic, "VHS Generation," recently did a soft relaunch/makeover of his blog/art website/portfolio over at andersarabia.blogspot.com. Along with giving the site a completely new look, he's also added loads of content that wasn't up before, making it impossible to not be impressed by his sheer talent and versatility once you've seen how many different kinds of things he's actually done.

Plus, Ander's uncovered a neat trick, what I assume is one of the many new and as of yet not much heralded features of blogspot's new additions to the service. So if you hit this link you can see his whole body of work in Google's flipcard layout, a design feature that effectively turns his blog into an actual online art portfolio, in a style that, at least to me, seems to make way more sense and have way less clutter than the various DeviantArt-style sites I've come to know. If you're an artist, and don't know about it, check it out, and hell, if you just want to see all of Ander's stuff laid right out there at your beck and call, definitely give it a click.

Now, Ander and I haven't known each other for crazy-long yet, and when we've talked, it's mostly been shop-talk, or pleasant and hilarious reminiscing about the 80s and 90s, so even I was surprised at some of the work he's done before. Some select panels from "Change" are also featured over there, along with a shout-out to yours truly and some gracious linkage, which I am greatly flattered by. I know from working with a lot of artists that the portfolio is an artist's best foot forward kind of thing, and consider part of the work we did together getting included a great honor.

Ander has been crazy-busy lately with various projects [including working with the oft-linked mad scientist Eric Esquivel], but like the good friend he is, he's always made time for a little email chat with me, despite the time difference and his hectic schedule. I've been so happy with the work we've done together so far, and I'm really looking forward to doing more in the future, and I wanted everyone to see his new internet digs as it were. I think it's turned out great, and really reflects him, and his work, well.

---

Now, I linked this once before about a month back, but Justin Cornell, my good friend and partner-in-crime on "Calamity Cash and the Town with No Name," is selling his first sketchbook, and the first copies have just come hot off the press. Mine arrived the other day, and it really looks great, the printing is tip-top, and I've never seen a sketchbook with such a wide and varied amount of subject matter within from all over the annals of pop culture. Ever wanted to witness Buffy staking Edward Cullen? Ever think you'd turn a page and see portraits of Charles Bronson and Nikola Tesla next to each other? Well, in Justin's "Sketchbook Ho!" you can see all that, a whole lot more.

You can order the book here from Justin's website, and it's a hefty 40+ page monster of an art book for only $12.00, American [though no worries, his shop is through Paypal, so if you're not currently using American currency you can still get one]. For another ten smackers you can get Justin to do a custom sketch in yours, literally anything you want [after all, when it comes to pop culture, Justin is the king of the obscure], and even if you don't order the sketch, all books are signed and numbered by the artist himself.

And don't forget, this is the same model Justin and I will probably be released "Calamity Cash," so all orders made won't just get you a great sketchbook, but will also help with our next project too, along with future Mojo Wire and Vanderhuge Studios productions. But, and I'm not playing pitch man at all here [okay, a little, but these are awesome], supply is limited, and I'm fairly certain when Justin runs out, there's no plan for a second print run. So cliche though it may sound, if you want one, your safest bet is to order now.

---

There are a few other things of note, including Zoe Chevat's recent post to her own blog - a color and movement test entitled "Mr. Pidge" for her thesis project "Beastly Things." Zoe's an amazingly talented animator currently studying at the super-prestigious CalArts, and as she's always working, it's rare we get the pleasure of seeing some of her moving picture antics, and this 20 second clip is just amazing. I know just for me personally, it's hard not to get that same tingle I felt as a child, having Tex Avery explain the animation process to me on television, only to see today that my friend, someone I used to discuss short fiction with, doing exactly the same thing herself [well, okay, not exactly the same thing. I imagine there's probably a bit nuance to different animation styles, and some considerable technological changes since the Avery days, but... Moving! Pictures! Cartoons! Is there anything better?]

It's absolutely lovely and worth a look, and I only wish I could call CalArts and yell at her instructors to stop working her so damn hard, so she could post more wonderful things like this for the rest of us to see.

Of course, there's always after graduation...

Zoe's also been doing some writing for The Mary Sue, a Geek Girl Culture-specific blog, which I can't recommend enough.

Finally, last but not least, as they say, a little something from my buddy John Wiswell dropped over the weekend, which I feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't link. Now, usually, John's daily awesomeness over on his Bathroom Monologues site gets coverage from me on Twitter, but to give myself a bit of break, and also because I don't always get to my RSS reader then, I haven't been doing links over the weekends. But recently, he posted a short piece called "The Wrestler in Black," which not only did I find to be exceptional, but that I was just really glad he got to do as, it seems sometimes, as writers, so rarely do we get to feature what some might consider our "fringe interests." I found this to be highly entertaining, and one of my favorite stories of his in a long time, which, with the sheer amount of quality material John puts out, is really saying something.

I hope everyone enjoys. I realize my postings have been kind of sporadic lately, and as much as I'd like to say otherwise, I don't know if that's going to change. I've been really swamped with work lately, and sort of just cramming creative stuff into whatever free moments I've had. Not all of that cramming has been exactly productive, but just getting it in is an accomplishment, and I haven't really had time to come back and touch base here as it concerns some of my current or new ideas. It's a problem because, as ridiculous as it may sound, having the time to take a minute, collect my thoughts, and put down what I've been up to here helps my process and my output greatly, but there just hasn't been time. Nevertheless look for an update later in the week, specifically about a couple of things I've been working on lately, along with a little news about a really cool freelance gig I've taken on for a friend and family member.

More soon.

Going for Bolingbroke

If you think that pun is bad, you'll love the joke that got bandied about a lot my first time through the play:

"The great thing about Richard II is that even if you don't know Shakespeare, by the end at least one person is sure to get the point."

Yeah, you know what? I'm not here to impress you.

Tonight's been a mixed bag. I've spent a few hours going over the script [re: The Tagalong], tweaking this, and fixing that. No surprise to anyone, my fondness for commas left the thing a wasteland of punctuation. If you've read my stuff before, or if you just take in a few old blog entries, you know I have a tendency to play it fast and loose with commas, ellipses, and what I think is sort of like my signature - the dash/double dash. It's my feeble attempt to try and mimic the way things sound in my head, the rhythm, the way I talk, or tell a story out loud, trying to keep all the beats and pauses, and bits of suspense intact even on the page. When it works, I think it works well - I've have some high-standard writers and readers tell me that even when chucking Strunk and White out the window, it's forgivable since the final product delivers.

But like with all things, moderation's the key, and if you're like me, and you have a particular style, or trick, you know it can easily become tiresome, trite, or lose a lot of its oomph from too much repetition, and on the path to first draft to final, I'm always left weighing whether phrasing x, or ambitious punctuation y, is best used here, or later, or not at all [save it until next time, kind of thing]. And a lot of scriptwriters will tell you any of those kinds of flourishes should just be left out - even when it comes to dialogue - and pity knows I'd save boatloads of time if I'd just blanket eliminate them from my work. But the charm!

Anyway, I've gotten some notes back on the script already, and Ian especially was good pointing out that I was over-doing it. So I guess the bulk of the writing night was just messing with that, hunting those spots down, and making the hard choices in places where the choices should probably be easy.

Rest of it I spent reading Richard II over again. I'm not sure why. I think it was my intention to read Cymbeline, or at least find out if I had already had[despite studying Shakespeare in college, I'm convinced that there's one play out there I haven't polished off yet. Even though I can't for the life of me figure out which one that is]. But I like Richard II, and reading it again I realized I liked it more than I remembered, an having been through it a couple times before I could just sort of have fun with it, pick it up, put it down in between Adult Swim bumps. With the book reviews, and new books I get, and comics [which I almost always give preference], and the loads of news and blogs and internet-related reading I do, I don't tend to get to read things over as much as I'd like [one of many, many reasons I'm garbage at memorization]. Especially something that demands Shakespeare-level engagement.

It was a good night, but not one with any sleep in it, and I'm watching the sun come up again. What a drag.

Here's some good, cool news though. My "Change is Gonna Come"/"VHS Generation" collaborator/partner-in-crime from across the ocean, Ander [that's Ander Sarabia, kiddies] and friend of the Mojo Wire Eric M. Esquivel [of the Modern Mythology Esquivels] have a story coming out in the Moonstone published comic "Zombies vs. Cheerleaders #4." The big excitement about this is that "Zombies vs. Cheerleaders" is a Diamond Distributed book, so you can get your very own copy just by asking your local comic proprietor to put it on your pull list. You've seen the amazing work Ander can do in some of his sketches for our stuff I've posted, and hopefully you've checked out Eric's stuff that I've linked in the past, so really, you've got zero reasons not to check it out.

Esquivel/Sarabia [Black] Terror Campaign, Postcards from Afar [Key West & Vienna]

First up, a bit of a favor.


This will actually seem kind of silly on my part, since Eric already has far more online/comic book community exposure than I do, but I wanted to take a minute and encourage everyone reading to chip in. I mentioned earlier that Eric M. Esquivel [of Modern Mythology fame] was working with Ander Sarabia [my Bilbao-based collaborator on the short comics "A Change is Gonna Come" and the currently in-production "VHS Generation"] on a comic themselves, a sort of Earth-2 take on the public domain super hero property "The Black Terror." The Terror's been around since the early 1940s, and has numerous fans all over the globe, one of whom turns out to be the Image Comics guru and creator of the Savage Dragon, Erik Larsen.

Larsen came across Eric's post about working on a Black Terror book [actually, a couple of them, which you can read about here] and was naturally interested in the idea, so much so that Eric was able to send him a copy. Now let's face it, Eric and Ander are both so wildly talented there's no doubt Larsen's going to love the book, so all they really need from us is a little grassroots movement for the project. Go and check out the Facebook page/event here, along with with Eric's Larsen-tagged plea for all our support, and most importantly don't forget to let Erik Larsen himself know that you'd be willing to plunk down a mere 3 dollars if Image was willing to publish their Black Terror one-shot -- which in the age of the internet is easy to do, as Mr. Larsen has a Facebook account and, perhaps more enticing, is on Twitter. Which means all you need to do is compose a little 140 character message to @erikjlarsen, and let him know that the Esquivel/Sarabia Black Terror comic is something you'd want to have on your pull list.

Everyone's pretty well aware how fond I am of Ander, both knowing and working with him, and if you check this place regularly you've even gotten to see some of the work he's done with yours truly on the non-super-hero end of things. And while I've never had the pleasure of working or collaborating with Eric [something I hope we can fix some day], I can attest that he is a talented, passionate dude, and even though I've never met him face to face, I am honored to consider him a friend, and when I'm feeling full of myself, a peer. So the work is good. Trust me. Now help generate some buzz so the whole direct market can find that out.

Remember - that's @erikjlarsen on Twitter.

---

Other things. I've actually been sitting on this postcard from my friend Ally a little too long. Back in the post-Christmas season, she went on a long, coastal getaway, and no doubt because she saw my promise to put any postcard I received up on my blog [or maybe just because she's kind of fond of me], she dropped me this postcard of Hemingway House in Key West.


I found this note on the back particularly stirring, as I imagine any writer worth their salt probably would:


"Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don't cheat with it."

--Ernest Hemingway

Words to live by. And eventually, in old Hemingway's case, die by too. But let's stay upbeat. Thank you, Ally. I really appreciate being thought of. Especially in the context of Ernest Hemingway [I'm just not cool enough yet to not be flattered by the association].

Ally, along with going to grad school, attending nearly every con on the East Coast, also runs an excellent news site which covers all things geek -- from comics, to movies, to horror -- appropriately titled "Geeking Ally." Go check that out too.


This one I'm more on the ball with -- it just came in the mail a couple of days ago from my friend Jesselyn. She's been teaching Paris, but in her spare time has been making good use of the amazing travel opportunities over in Europe. This amazing piece of architecture [which is so detailed my bargain scanner needed almost 3x the usual among of time to scan] is St. Stephen's Cathedral in Vienna, which, well... I don't think a lot of people know this, I don't think Jesselyn did, but for an atheist, I'm a really sucker for a beautiful church. I've always loved the colors on this one, and remember, in my short stint as a calendar shill, looking at this picture in lieu of working... well, most days.

Jesselyn managed to get more on the back of postcard than anyone has... well, ever, and her passion for the place, and the history of it, just everything, absolutely shines through in her letter. That she was willing to share that with me was very touching, so much so that I'm keeping the message to myself [I swear it's not just because I don't want to transcribe it], but I will say nothing makes a person more fabulous than note starting with "I am sitting in a café in Vienna..."

Also, it was addressed to "Herr Randall Nichols." So cool.

Thank you, Jesselyn. It's means a great deal.

Been doing a lot of notes for the roller derby script [re: "Mary Hobb"], and may have gotten a bead on at least one person involved in derby to talk to about it. If you know any one else who'd be up for talking [or if you've found this site, and are involved in derby and would be willing to talk to me], make sure to let me know.

Right now, I've actually got a pretty solid beginning and ending for the script, and an outline which covers all the high points. I think the hard part, the thing that's kept me from getting started right out of the gate is how many characters I'm going to have to juggle for this. As is, only two characters have names, and only one of them is actually on the derby team... really, I'm looking at something in the way of 10-13 different girls. Now obviously only a handful of those will be what you'd consider "main characters," but I'd like them all to unique, and not just set pieces. Lot of that will end up getting done when I'm finished, of course, but I'd like everyone to have names.

Probably worried for nothing. Having that outline makes this all feel pretty solid, and real.

With Great Reverence and Love to the Martin Family

It says a little too much about me that I'm more comfortable doing this here, but... ah, well.

I'd like to start by sending my best wishes to my friend Seth, and his wife, Nichole, who just yesterday welcomed into the world a beautiful baby daughter, Chloe Martin. I hardly even know where to begin, and my only message to Seth, up until now, has been a "Congratulations" on his Facebook page at the posting of the picture of their wonderful new addition. It's... just how these things are done nowadays, especially with Seth several hours from here, and me with next to no idea how I'd word that phone conversation.

I have had the privilege of knowing Seth for several years now. Not what I think most people would consider well, certainly not as well as I'd like, a fact that remains true for... a lot of people I have the pleasure of knowing, actually. I'd honestly like to fix that, and heaven knows I've tried, but let's face it, anyone reading here is well aware that I'm that rare-mix of socially-retarded and self-obsessed, which generally leaves my friends getting this reserved admiration from me, that I'm sure reads less like admiration, and far too often as self-satisfied interest. It isn't, but genetics are against me - my nose just naturally turns up. Add to that the distance, and my not driving, and it's a wonder that I have gotten to know Seth at all, but I have, a little, and as strange as this is to say, every single time has been nothing short of an 'event,' at least in my mind.

Some of them are fairly obvious. You don't often get to see a man spin-kick a guy while starring in his own motion picture, or perform a shooting star press on one of the fatter wrestlers on the indie circuit, and unless you travel in far different circles than I do, you very rarely get to see the same guy dolled up for a friend's wedding, or in the sweltering back seat of a station wagon on its way home from Chicago. Probably don't get the opportunity to say your first prolonged exposure to such an interesting dude involved way too many gay jokes, and a softcore porn version of Spider-Man chased with a Melvin Van Peebles biopic. So I guess you can see why so many of my run-ins with Seth have seemed like such big deals, so epic, if you will, though none of those mentioned are necessarily my favorites. My favorite, really, is much more selfish than all that.

Seth has the unique distinction of being one of only two people I know to really connect themselves to something I've written. The first person, she... overtook me, somehow, and I wrote for her as much as what I wrote became, at least in my mind, very much a part of her. But Seth worked his way into my head in an entirely different matter, digging out a place for himself in "Nova" [now the project which may never happen] during an early table read that forever connected him to a character I had actually written with no true, discernible person in mind. He found the rhythm of the dialogue, the one thing I always work so hard on, and nailed it so completely I remain amazed when recalling it even to this day [and I probably shouldn't be - as in all things, Seth never fails to excel]. I am not a man used to being understood, I suppose, and this went a step farther, for the first time in my life, Seth, being an genuinely talented, exceptional fucking guy, just "got it," and this, this tied him to a part of me in way [in a totally hetero, non-bondage way] that I'll never forget. Always be grateful for it, always felt... less lonely for it, I guess.

I don't have a lot of friends who have kids. Seth's not the first, of course [unless I'm forgetting somebody], I think the first is probably my friend Lisa, who I know reads this space occasionally, and who I have also done a real shit job of keeping up with, and who has started a wonderful family in her own right [I doubt there's a more sly and loving mother out there]. But again, with the company I keep, it's not something you ever expect, even at this age, and while I have been aware that Nichole was pregnant since Christmas, it hadn't yet crossed my mind that the baby would soon be with us, late to the party though I was already. And it's truly a special occasion, a real achievement in a world where achievement isn't so easy to gage.

There's no doubt in my mind that Seth and Nichole will be amazing parents. I hope I'm not insulting anyone by saying this, but I can't imagine a better father than Seth, and though I do not know Nichole well, every time I have met her she has seemed warm, and kind, and affable, a true beauty both inside and out. If she is like Seth [and I imagine she would have to be to keep up with him] she too must excel in so many of her pursuits. I'm sure this will be no different. I think, all of us, looking back, even if you loved your parents and thought they were the greatest in the world, might give pause if offered the possibility of being raised by Seth and Nichole Martin. And their daughter Chloe is truly blessed with just such an opportunity.

They are, of course, blessed to have Chloe too - which, I think, now, has to go down in history as the most obvious and unnecessary sentiment I've ever felt need to voice. But it's my way. It is also my way to wish them well, to send them good feelings and all the love that can be spared. I am just so truly happy for them both... I can only imagine how their own hearts must be bursting, I can only imagine what they must feel.

Welcome to the world, Chloe Martin. We're glad to have you, and the place is a damn sight better now that you're here.

---

Not much has been done on my side of things. I have been feeling very much under the weather the past few days, a weird combination of not quite sick and not quite depressed [all right, quite a bit of both, but I'm not fishing for pity here] that has left me ill-equipped to much in the way of usefulness. I am still without one, over-arching project, and so I've spent what little coherency I've had looking at some old things, and will probably continue to do just that until something new crops up, or a breakthrough is made. The passion still isn't there, and it may just be the coming of spring, or it may just be the accumulation of winter goings-on, but for the most part I feel largely unmotivated, and until that changes, I'm not entirely sure what to do next.

Even the exercises I try to get in, the little bit of writing each day, have been clumsy and weird, and I abandoned one yesterday in disgust when I could no longer look at the jagged red lines each time I misspelled "delivery." It's very odd for me to walk away from the page angry - sure, unproductive spells might make me anxious, or depressed, but to be actually annoyed was odd and not something I want to make a regular habit of. I've never minded when it wasn't easy; I can even handle it not being fun sometimes. But I'm not sure what to do with that.

I've filled most of my non-productive hours with television, specifically "Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood," which I got sick of waiting on and crammed all 64 episodes into a week-long marathon. I'm always interested in seeing different interpretations and adaptations, and this filled that need pretty spectacularly, and I found myself especially charmed by how even with the sleeker animation - the more cartoon-y visuals, if you will - this story was quite a bit darker than the previous series, with a great deal more emotional weight. I've always liked that [it's why Todd Nauck always wowed me], and it was nice to see here. The empathy, the willingness to sympathize with almost every character, even if they were "bad guys" was also sort of... stirring, with one scene with an enemy soldier pinned down on a stairwell doing more than some of the best war movies every have, as far as it concerned "the other side." I think if there is a lesson, something in FMA: Brotherhood to be looked at and emulated, it's probably that, and I might try and explore it further, down the line, though it is admittedly a little outside my usual subject matter.

I wound up a little uncomfortable with the ending, as everything tied up a bit too neat for my tastes, but considering this one had to live up to the experience of watching the original series with friends at Bennington, it more than held its own. Regrettable that it too can't be shared in a similar fashion, but...

Well, anyway.

Want to thank everyone who took the time to read "Conversation Between Future Lovers in the Psych Ward." I will admit to being a little disappointed... I quite liked this one, I mean I didn't at first, but once I did the edits and really got everything hitting just so, I thought there might be something to it, but I didn't get quite the response I was hoping for. I'm starting to think there's really no point to writing up these dialogue pieces anyway. If I can't fit them in scripts, there may just be no future for them. I poked around a little, too, just to see what some places take in the way of submissions, and didn't feel much like they'd be welcome, either, so... At least they're nice to play with. Again, really appreciate all those who said supportive things, "liked" it on Facebook. I may just have to think about their applications a little more.

Comic stuff is still going strong. Justin set up a private website for me to keep up with Calamity Cash work, particularly the thumbnails he's been doing in his spare time, and I expect to have more updates about that project in the near future. I'm actually really into what he did with the website, as now we can both make comments on things, but we don't have to be free at the same time. It's a lot like me and Ander's e-mails, now, which is a nice, and yeah, I expect to have some more news about our project together [re: VHS Generation] soon.

But I'm not really rushing anyone. Again, I've hardly felt like I've had it together, lately, and I've still got some little things to do. Still have to file my taxes, still have books coming in to review.

Feel so exhausted lately. More soon.

On Writing: The Space Between

Bit of a repose for me.

Part of it was wanting to give "New Hooverville" some time at the top of the page [if you haven't read it yet, I'd really appreciate it if you'd go check it out]. It took roughly a year to get to this point, and the urge was pretty strong to let it ride as the first thing people see when they come to the blog, and I even contemplated just leaving it up all week, uninterrupted from any off-topic dithering from yours truly. But I've been getting a surge in visitors as of late, mostly thanks to Kimberly Kaye being kind enough to link me in the sidebar of her blog [for the rest of you who do this, know I appreciate it from you too -- Kaye's link, though, for some reason, has been keeping me in steady referrals for the past two weeks, many of them looking like return visits -- which is rare for me], and when being looked at there is naturally a pretty strong urge to perform and produce. Which is actually what I wanted to talk a bit about.

I'm in a strange place with my writing now. "New Hooverville" is resting as 25,000 word monster which I currently have no place for, and nothing to do with. I think, ideally, I'd just like it to get out there, into the world, and have as many people see it as possible, with or without my name attached to it. As much as I don't want to get into a topic of "what the artist really meant" since, whatever you do or don't take from the piece is perfectly valid, no matter what I wanted, "Hooverville" speaks to this phenomenon I see every day with my peers, a frustration between what they want to do artistically, and the pressure they feel to join up, and act as regular person - to be a part of the "real world." And to be a bit snotty about it, I just don't think regular people necessarily feel that pressure, or at least, not in the same way -- I think so many of them look at that real world, at the nine-to-five, the long-term drudgery of things like managing taxes and health insurance, like working out weddings and starting families, and see anything other than big, welcoming arms of responsibility and adulthood.

I think the rest of us see it, more likely, as a gaping maw. Even those who have learned to work it to their favor. And "New Hooverville" is just me wondering, I guess, why there isn't a louder objection to that. Why those who look at that system, look at that one definition of what responsibility and being an adult is, and say "bullshit!" -- but even more, why in the hell, when I know so many of us feel this way, we don't band together, we don't turn that "bullshit!" into a chorus, we don't just... check out. Try it another way. Do it together. There'd be strength in that.

I don't know the answer to any of that. "New Hooverville" was me trying to get at it, and I think I did, a little bit, I think after all that time I got closer to getting a handle on those feelings -- maybe just "that" feeling -- and I think, maybe, the next thing I work on will have that in it too. "A Change is Gonna Come" certainly did. Without stretching, I think maybe even "Nova," I think even the peep show script is all approaching that same topic, that same feeling, from various angles. So yes, the next thing will almost definitely be about that, but...

I just don't know what that next thing is.

The space between projects is one of the most annoying I've ever encountered. I know writers and creative-types, artists, dancers, actors, etc. who never experience that, who never slow down, who never have less than four things going at once, who think stopping is a privilege, and privilege is bad, so they just never stop. Inspiration flows from them like a fountain, and they are the luckiest of us. They're the reason most of us feel like we aren't writers, aren't artists, aren't creatives, because certainly, if we were, we'd never stop either. No, they must be the real deal, and we must just be playing at it. Because they never come to a full stop. And we do.

My experience is limited to no success and a very short time on this earth. Thanks to the internet, a thousand and one writing tutorials are a click away, ranging from people who've accomplished even less than I have [which would mean, I guess... they're not putting on pants anymore] to those we'd consider the most accomplished, and in some cases, our heroes. The Fitzgeralds, the Didions, the Roths, the Austins, the Johnsons, the Moores. All of them have some tip, some "absolute" - about how the writing on the hardest days is usually as good as those on the easiest days, or about how nothing you produce everyday to could possibly, consistently, be good so therefore expect to write everyday and delete most of it, or about... oy vey. The list is literally endless, and I for one a becoming less and less enthralled by these hard and fast rules about why what I'm not producing is my fault, or why what I am producing isn't any good. I'm not sure [and I'm saying this in a space meant to look at and catalog the process of producing work] that how you get there really matters any longer, and that even the suggestion that there is some way to become the best, to churn out good writing, or whatever you do, is at best merely subjective.

Finishing things, too, also bothers me. There's a great discomfort once you've achieved your goal, only to realize now you're in the margin, between the panels of whatever your next move is.

All of this, ultimately, contributes to my anxiety of not working, of not having a project. And right now, I feel very much like I do not have a project, like I am between work, and that because of that, I am less of [or not] a writer, and that because I am not forcing work out of myself like juice squeezed from an orange, that I'm just playing at being a writer. That I've no business being on the field. And none of this even works the other doubts -- about writers I admire who had already found so much more success long before they reached my age, about peers who have been working just as hard, and have already seen it pay dividends.

But this is not a race. And that stuff is no kind of game to play with yourself.

This kind of talk has been going on in my head for a week or two. I can't put an exact finger on it, but I became most aware of it around six days ago, when I stopped sleeping and letting the other anxieties of life really begin to work on me. I consider myself the king of no-structure, but without the structure of one, over-arching piece to work on, I apparently go to pieces with worry that not only am I failing at this... passion, profession, compulsion I've chosen, but that because of it I don't deserve to be on the field with my peers.

And "over-arching" is the important part to that. Because honestly, I have things I'm working on, things I'm doing. There's a bit of dialogue I scribbled down last week that I have plans to polish, and post here on Friday, time and motivation willing. There are also several unfinished things, some as old as this blog [re:Trendsetter], some older [re: The Familiar], and some almost complete [re: untitled peep show script] that I have re-read recently, think I could probably still do something with.

Nothing that feels like "the project" though. Not yet.

But there are other things. Though I'm not as involved at this stage, Ander and I am working on a new comic, "VHS Generation," and just because the artist is at it with pencil doesn't mean I can necessarily put mine down on the desk [the same is true for "Calamity Cash," which Justin tells me that, even with his intense work schedule, is still coming along]. Even if I could, talking with Ander over e-mail has left me with a great deal of other possible things to work with and look through [the dude sends me illustrated updates of how the work is going -- it's heavenly], including little prompts that have unintentionally but welcomely reminded me of old characters and old ideas, along with smaller projects that were almost forgotten about have begun working their way into a mini-mythology that I'd almost forgotten about [re: "White Trash Nation"]. It's all very exciting, and it, with the day-to-day upkeep around here and the fairly steady stream of books to review, well...

I'm not at a loss for things to do. And even if I were, I tend to like my free time. Luxury though that is.

Preview for NORMAL: "A Change is Gonna Come."

Without further ado, I'd like to introduce everyone to Ben and Mia.

These previews are panels from "A Change is Gonna Come" my first collaboration with the incredibly talented European illustrator [I just love saying that] Ander Sarabia, for the upcoming Eric M. Esquivel produced zine, Normal. Normal is a zine by creative people, for creative people [and everyone else, of course], looking at alternative lifestyles, the creative process, and other interests of people likely suffering from vitamin D deficiency. Actually, I can't back that last part up -- it might just be me who lives in nigh-constant fear of the sun.

For those of you who don't frequent places like CBR, I've clipped some panels from the comic, and stripped out the dialogue, so without giving too much away you can have a taste of what Ander and I have in store for Normal. Of course, there's only so much I can show you, as our freshman outing together [boy, that sounds like we went on a date] is only five pages long.

Ander's work is really beyond exceptional, and though I'd love to, I can't take credit for the level of detail he brought to these pages. It's amazing how much of the finished product ended up looking like the story I saw in my head, especially since we were under a mad time-crunch to get finished, which meant a far-less detailed script, and no time for the usual tweaks or coaching I'm used to during the process.

Still, the final pages turned out spot-on, and I can't wait for everyone to see them. Have to blame timing for it taking me this long to even get previews up -- first there were the holidays, then my computer trouble, not to mention I wanted to check with Ander and make sure showing off his work was okay [and big thanks to him for his input on what panels would be best to use, and for sending me such high quality images to work with for this]... I was even a little up in the air about doing this at all, because a little mystique goes a long way.

But a few people have been asking. And it's not exactly like I need my arm twisted to show off the cool things I'm involved in.

Taking the weekend to try and catch up on some things. Shot off a final draft of "VHS Generation" to Ander [not a lot of changes from the previous one], and he's already hit me with a few character sketches that just look great. Really excited about the look of protagonist for this one, and our e-mails have me branching out into the old mythology a little bit, digging up some concepts, ideas I haven't thought about in ages.

Have some things from other people to read too, which I always look forward to. Particularly in this case... I enjoy this person's work a lot, have for awhile, and I feel terrible I've had to put off looking at it for this long.

Final bit of trivia before I go: I named this comic for The Gits cover of the Sam Cooke classic. I guess you could just say I named it after the original song, but it's not really what I had in mind. Cooke's is a civil rights anthem which I think would be in bad taste for me to try and co-opt, whereas there's something about Zapata's that's still very personal, but in a more singular sort of sense.

And besides, the character's name is Mia. Not Sam.