With apologies to Chris Rock. And everyone else.

"Look, it was the last, best advice most people got in the 1990s, and I'm just saying that's not the kind of thing you tack a last minute addendum onto. It's a shame, but something like that, it can lessen it's impact, make it hard to reach out to the young people, the folks who really needed to hear it.

But yeah, I'll concede, it's not that there's never, ever been any sex in the champagne room. I mean, it's a strip club, there are, well, strippers, and most of the guys there are customers, yeah, but that's not everyone, that neglects a whole cross-section like the DJ, the bartenders, the bouncers... I mean, just the bouncers - two guys, working side-by-side, probably for years, in a keyed up, often violent position. And they've got to be there for each other - they got to have each other's backs. It's Spartan stuff.

So no question, after closing, maybe they're back there, sweeping divorce dust off of the couch. And it's couch, so naturally, they're moving cushions, looking for spare change - job doesn't pay that well - and they brush hands. It's a little surprising, so to break the tension one compliments the other on his AC/DC shirt, he in turn asks how he gets such straight hems when he cuts off the sleeves, and... well, the next thing you know, you have two handle bar mustaches pressed up against each other, and all sorts of new doors opening."

6 comments :: With apologies to Chris Rock. And everyone else.

  1. This is the funniest most clever little doo-dah I've read in a while! Thanks, Randall!!

  2. This. This is hilarious.

  3. Thank you, guys. I really appreciate that - I struggled with whether or not to put this one up or not, and I'm still not entirely sure why. It makes me glad some people got some joy in them.

    I appreciate your later comments too, Hayley! It's nice to know I had you fooled, at least for a paragraph or two.

  4. Great work, Randall! Loved this little piece - didn't see where it was headed until the Spartan line, at which point I started grinning like an idiot. :) Great way to start the day.

  5. Delightfully twisted!

  6. Cassie - Thanks! Yeah, I do sorta show all my cards with the Spartan line. But even on a piece this short, it just felt like the right place to start letting people in on the surprise.

    And thank you for spreading it around!

    Ian - Appreciate it, man.

    ...now if only I could have gotten Chris Rock to read it.