Clarification -- my last post on the "conspiracy."

On my previous entry, I received this response from my late professor's niece. It is important for me to respond thoroughly, so I'm placing it here.

"Wow! Our worlds collide again! I was bored and thought I'd check back in to see if you heard that Bennington was doing a memorial service for Steven on May 17th.

My office overlooks Rebel Hill and Clement Park. I work for the Jefferson County Public Administrator here in Littleton. Since April '99 I have learned 3 things about Columbine.

#1 - the grief remains prolific! Students and Parents of students who died are experiencing something completely unimaginable. Their grief manifests itself in many ways... conspiracy theories abound....anything that will ease/justify/explain the pain of the horror they will live with every day. Who can judge this unless we've experienced it?

#2 - There are valid reasons from within the community to believe cover-ups, lies, lack of due diligence and other possibly negligent activities took place in the investigations and prosecutions of Columbine. There was immense pressure for answers and for someone to blame. 10 years out and I think we have more questions than answers.

#3 - no matter how much research is done, no matter how much investigation was done, those who experienced Columbine first hand have a story to tell. We'd be wise to listen to it. We may learn something. If nothing else, it might help them heal from an unimaginable trauma.

Best Wishes,
Cara"

First off, Cara, I want to thank you for informing me about the memorial service for Steven. I had been told by one of my fellow alumni when it would be held, but traveling to Bennington is regrettably not a financial possibility for me at the moment. The impact of missing it is lessened by the many people who also cared for Steven getting in touch with me through Facebook, or this blog. Still, not being able to attend weighs no less on my mind.

I also would like to point out that our worlds collide in a third way, as when a great deal of information was released about the Columbine shooters, it was with Steven's help that I was able to request digital copies of some of the files and transcripts on the two shooters at Columbine. I had very little clue how to go about getting such information, and Steven gave me a great many tips, as well as allowing me to search a few directories I would have had to pay for if he had not "loaned" me access to his accounts. Rarely was there a time when I showed interest in something that he wouldn't encourage me to follow as far as I wanted or could. That excitement at the pursuit of knowledge was just one of the many things that made him such a wonderful teacher.

That said, you bring to light some excellent points, and I in no way wished to belittle the grief and pain the survivors of the Columbine shootings went through. After experiencing something so traumatic, it is natural that coping methods would vary wildly, and many would turn to alternate explanations and conspiracy theories in order to make some sense of the violent upheaval of their lives. I would never dare deny any of these people the right to seek their own truth, and come to their own decisions about what happened. I make no judgments on them or their decisions, beyond saying that, within reason, anything that can bring them comfort or allow them some sense of normalcy is absolutely acceptable. In fact, it is paramount.

I also want to say I understand the inclination of the community to lean towards these conspiracy theories. The cover-ups during the investigation, like the Open Space meeting, were terrible. And it is difficult, after being lied to, to then have the truth revealed and not immediately ask "but is this just another lie?" Faced with the evidence I've seen, I've chosen to believe that the information revealed after these cover-ups that were cracked by independent investigators and the media are true. But I am not a part of the Jefferson County community, and in a community like that what is or isn't as true may not be as important as the trust that was violated.

Furthermore, we would nearly all like to find greater purpose and meaning for the whys and hows of the world, and nothing calls for an explanation more than tragedy. However, and it is difficult to say this without sounding cold, there is what people experience, and what actually happened. My intention was never to belittle any one's perception, only to emphasize the conclusions the evidence available points to. If I did the former by attempting the latter, I can only apologize, with all my heart.

The reason that I chose to defend these conclusions that I, and many who are far, far more informed than I have thus far come to on this series of events with such vigor actually has to do with something you said in your comment with an elegance I could not -- that "those who experienced Columbine first hand have a story to tell. We'd be wise to listen to it." I believe this sentiment to be absolutely true, and though I realize to some it may look like it is I who am dismissing numerous eyewitnesses while the conspiracy websites hold up the survivor's accounts as sacrosanct, I think it is actually the other way around. The pain and perseverance of the people of Jefferson County is greater than anything I've ever experienced, and when reading accounts or interviews, I do my very best to be thoughtful and open. To my eye, the conspiracy addicts are the ones who could care less about listening, and only want information to support their wild claims that the government is out to take their guns, or are quietly working behind the scenes to establish some New World Order. I find this kind of exploitation angers me, and my previous post was a response to those feelings [as well as a deep want for my few visitors to not think I agreed with the claims of a website who's URL was posted in my comments section].

Cara, I really want to thank you for such a thoughtful response. I had noted you living in Littleton earlier, but it slipped my mind while writing these entries. As a member of that community, I hope you didn't find anything I said to be offensive. It was not my intent, but I certainly understand that any "outsider" purporting knowledge of something that hits close to home should be careful to not overstep, lest he become as callous as those he takes issue with. And worse, hurt those who should never be hurt again.

There are still many questions, but I don't think we should disregard the answers we have because of them. On this subject, that is my belief. But beliefs can be dangerous things, and because of that, it is my hope that this will be my last post about Columbine for awhile. This is merely a production diary and brain dump for a humble artist, and if I ever hope to be productive again, I should probably not take up arms against every crackpot on the internet. Some things are beyond my means.

Still, the comments section to this post is open for anyone who wishes to leave a response, be they thoughtful and illuminating like Cara's, or merely curt and dismissive like a few of the others. The only warning I offer to that second group pertains to the conceit of my blog, which is that I will have the last word. My certainty in an uncertain world.

Best wishes to all.

Obligatory Columbine Post or My favorite Ninja Turtles characters were Wingnut and Screwloose.

I should have known better than to write about conspiracy theories in the same entry that I talked about the Columbine shootings. In response to those terms crashing together in a Google search engine, I got the following comments on my previous blog entry:

" starviego says...

You are still being lied to about Columbine. Big time. If you want to find out what really happened at Columbine I suggest you read what the eyewitnesses had to say:

http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/columbineeight.php"

Now, normally [not that this has ever happened before], I think I'd just say something like "Jesus God, poke a hole in the ground, and these wackjobs just spring up like roses planted in the finest cow shit," but two things occurred to me; one, I didn't enable comment moderation in the first place because of my firm stance against censorship of any kind, and my deep want for the blog to be a comfortable, open place for the exchange of ideas. Any ideas. And two, this subject is something I know enough about that I can actually speak on, so why not expend the few minutes or so it will take to set this starviego [who on a mountain of skulls, in a castle of pain, sat on a throne of blood...] fellow straight?

Not that I expect it to do the least bit of good.

First off, let me say it kind of sickens me to link to tabloid garbage like "What Really Happened," so to assuage my guilt, and assure equal time and representation to both sides of the issue, I'd like to link Dave Cullen's book "Columbine." Again, I can't recommend this book enough, and I hope Viego will take the time to pick the book up and read it, if nothing else then to find out what really happened [see what I did there?], from someone who's followed the tragedy from the very beginning.

Excerpts of the book and commentary from the author are available at slate.com, where Cullen is a frequent contributor. Enjoy the freebies here:

"God I Want to Torch and Level Everything" - Columbine killer Eric Harris plans the massacre.
By Dave Cullen

The Depressive and the Psychopath - At last we know why the Columbine killers did it.
By Dave Cullen

The Four Most Important Lessons of Columbine - How "leakage" and the "active shooter protocol" have prevented other tragedies.
By Dave Cullen

Inside Columbine - As the assault raged, students fought to keep a wounded teacher alive.
By Dave Cullen

Now, with that done, to address the "truth" I was linked to. I would also like to say this isn't the first time I've come across this page about the Columbine tragedy -- while working on an earlier draft of my college penned screenplay "Un-Filmable," I had plans for one of the characters, a hacker, photographer, and conspiracy shut-in to go on a Lone Gunman-esque rant about the tragedy, and in my searching for something ludicrous that could possible pose as the truth, I came across this page. In the end, I wound up going with much more subtle references to Columbine, mostly just out of fear that if "Un-Filmable" ever defeated its own name and became a real movie, I didn't want anyone lending any credence to that garbage because they'd "seen it in a movie."

I considered going line by line with the article, ticking off each huge mistake, but in all honesty the lack of citation and the endless repetition of the same, erroneous point would make that a bit useless. Instead, I'll focus on what the author or authors seem to want the point to be, conveniently stated at the top of the article:

"Columbine : 101 witnesses can't be wrong" Right away, we have a statement that is emphatically not true -- eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable, and while still used, the fact that this article immediately assumes that anyone who was there during the shootings obviously saw and heard everything exactly as it happened. However, the following "accounts" of victims seeing people other than Klebold and Harris attack the school can easily be accounted for through high stress and costume changes.

Yes, that's right, costume changes. As the shooting proceeded, Klebold and Harris shed their "trademark" [Re: God, cringe] trench coats, and continued their attack. To illustrate, imagine you witnessed the beginnings of the shooting outside the school, where both killers were still dressed in their coats. You run into the school to take cover, and the shooters enter the building soon after, one of them shedding their coats. What you see, however, is two shooters outside dressed in long black coats, and two more shooters inside, dressed in a black coat and another in a simple t-shirt. Coupled with the stress, it is not unlikely you now believe you are being attacked by not two, but perhaps three, even four shooters, as opposed to the actual two. When looking at the size of the attack, along with the sheer brutality and the slowed response of law enforcement in this instance, common sense might even indicated to someone in that situation that they were being attacked by not two shooters, but an entire platoon of natural born killers. But it is important to remember that Klebold and Harris were moving, changing weapons, and shedding their coats, and all of those actions would lead eye witnesses to incorrectly believe there were more attackers than there actually were.

Another oft-mentioned point in the article is eye witness identifying other kids at the school as shooters, which can be explained away as easily as a byproduct of the size of Columbine's enrollment. Though Klebold and Harris were not the outcast they are often portrayed to be, the school had upwards of 2,000 + students at the school, and not everyone knew the shooters by face or name, and faulty identifications are not only likely, law enforcement expected it.

Furthermore, had there been other, living shooters at the school, there is no logical reason law enforcement wouldn't have identified them and brought them up on charges. Remember, out of a desperate need to blame and charge someone, Mark Manes, who provided the shooters with some of their weapons, was given what many see as an excessive prison sentence. If there were others to be held up and charged for this, what possible reason would there be for them not being pursued?

Other parts of the article mention the explosions happening in some parts of the building, while the shooters were identified as being in different parts of the school. The explanations here are far more banal -- many of the bombs that Eric Harris built for his attack had timers and fuses, and lots of them were left or thrown far from the killers during the attack. It is also important to factor in the stress on the victims during the attack, and the echo chamber that that the hallways of Columbine effectively became.

A final note is that many students reported later than Klebold and Harris had approached them with their plans before the attack, often times joined by other students, such as Chris Morris [it is important to note that Morris cooperated with the police throughout their investigation]. This is absolutely true, in so much as Harris and Klebold leaked their plans many times, and Harris was actively hoping to recruit other shooters for the attack -- however, many of his friends blew this off as "Eric being Eric," and by the time of the Columbine attack, the only accomplice Eric had effectively recruited was Dylan Klebold.

So, to answer that ludicrousness, YES, 101 eye witness can be mistaken. Sorry, Viego, this is why an investigation takes place after the eye witness interviews.

to those in a position of power, and even more ludicrous because in the aftermath, both boys left in-depth documentations of their plans and thought processes. Hiding a The final bit to the "What Really Happened" article is the part I find most insulting and disturbing, because it suggests this tragedy was somehow planned or staged to help push through the Brady Bill [which was pretty much assured to pass at this point anyway] and similar gun control laws. This would mean some outside force would have had to put Eric Harris up to the attacks [Eric psychopathy made him generally unresponsive to adult influences, and it seems equally unlikely that with how transparent the boys were in their personal materials that neither would have revealed a secret co-conspirator], and then abandoned him completely, fully assured that Harris would be able to construct the timers for his bombs and get the guns and ammunition needed without a problem. In actuality, Harris hit walls in both situations, almost not getting the weapons he needed in time and ending up with many bombs that did not detonate properly.

"What Really Happened's" bogeyman is somehow both a genius, Oz-like master planner, and an inept people manager [the George Lucas of the New World Order, I suppose], the kind of monster that bitter, NRA pledging gun-nuts love to picture as their antagonists, but one that doesn't quite stand up to things like proven facts. Luckily, these right-wing conspiracy cranks have never been ones to let that stop them before, and probably aren't going to let that stop them now.

Again, I implore anyone who disagrees with me to pick up Cullen's book, as well as downloading the wealth of information that has already been released to the public about the case. As a strong supporter of the First Amendment, I respect the lunatic fringe's right to post this kind of speculation all over the internet. But it also lets me reply, and add my bewildered and dismissive final comment:

And I just thought "Idiot Summer" was a clever title for my last blog.

And so begins the Idiot Summer.

Title is a Gin Blossom reference. There's a shocker.

Past two days were hot ones, but I'm acclimating better than I expected. Never been good with hot weather, despite the pilgrimage west that's upcoming. I think I can get away with calling it a "pilgrimage," even though I don't know if it's the proper term for a trip you have no intention coming back from.

Cue "Canterbury Tales" reference here.

Today was busy. Had to go out with Dad, for soda, a new hamper. He had errands too, then we got dinner for everyone [Re: pizza] on the way home. Strange that took up most of the day. Meant to pick up "The Wrestler" on DVD, slipped my mind. Knew I needed a few other things -- legal pads, for sure. Irregular hours are getting to me a little bit... been dozing off closer to nine every morning, and waking back up around noon. Surprised that's been sufficient, but I haven't been feeling tired lately -- only the minor slips in memory, upset stomach. No panic attacks, at least not like usual.

Actually, there might be another reason for that last bit. Blew up about something. Surprisingly cathartic. Certainly don't want to turn into one of those people who has to make a huge scene to feel better about something, but for the moment, can't argue with the results.

Been trying to pick up my room some. Hasn't been cleaned much since moving in -- honestly, short of the bed and the bathroom [both of which are easily tended to], haven't needed to clean much. Just stacks of books and clothes, but somehow, knowing roughly how much longer I'll be here has left me thinking it's time to start using drawers. Before, something about it seemed counter-productive, even though I knew I wasn't going to whisked off into the night to a new location like before. Maybe some of not moving in was denial. I think some was defiance too, after being ousted from my house like I was [pleasantly, but quickly, and still ousted].

Entirely possible some was laziness. Will neither confirm nor deny.

My mind has been on many things the past two days. Finished a book about "Columbine" by Dave Cullen, I'd recommend it, if you have any interest in the subject matter -- I cried once, got pissed off a couple of times, and spent some of the book almost... scared. But it is keenly interesting to me, always has been, and the Columbine shootings have marked a lot of my work, going so far as to make a couple appearances [sort of] in "Un-Filmable."

Also done some brainstorming about other projects, and find myself, strangely, looking ahead. Idle, non-movie talk with Casey has gotten me on another conspiracy kick, and a little bit of Wikipedia here and there have given me a few ideas for a "bible" to a X-Files-like project. Likely doesn't have legs, rarely gotten far with it before, but there is something about taking all these claims and dumping them into a drama. I've always been a big Rod Sterling fan. I also have a copy of "The Octopus" coming in the mail. Probably talk about it more later.

Old ideas seems fresher, too. "Assisted Living" and "Fragile" have both slipped back into my head, even though I haven't given either much thought since I finished first draft on "Trendsetter." I also know a very talented actress, who I don't get to talk to as much as I like anymore, and I promised her once I'd write a movie for her to star in. I haven't forgotten, and thinking of her, and thinking of everything I've done up to now, putting all these stories in a sort post-Christmas, never spring, winter months... I can really see her in one, against that white and gray backdrop. As soon as I have time... maybe she's even Joan, in "Fragile." Maybe there's something else, even better.

I'm really getting ahead of myself. Other things... wrote to Kaley today, really glad she's willing to keep up correspondence. Mean to write to Ian soon, but I understand his internet has been sort of... spotty. Likely, there's no rush.Can't begin to describe what it's like having all these letters back and forth with all these creative people -- I feel a little like Samuel Johnson, if I can take a minute and be so arrogant. God, I've been such a literature student today.

Need to call the girls, have been trying to get Sam. Sent her a text tonight, but as usual, it was a bit late for normal people. Story of my life. Sent some Facebook messages to some people I haven't heard from in a bit, but started thinking about -- Alex, and Genevieve, and Andrew had a birthday recently. I miss his music, from his Solo Project blog.

Lots of music in my head lately. Not sure why, been hearing a lot of Regina Spektor, and Team Dresch when that lets up, and it seems so crisp and clean that sometimes I don't even have to pull up my iTunes to enjoy the songs. Funny I mention that, because nothing ever strikes me as less interesting than when people write in their blogs about the music they've been listening to. I get... embarrassed for them, almost. Isn't that strange?

Dad is going to a friend's birthday party, and wants me to make him some mix CDs, so I'm spending a lot of time on a particular message board, pulling up music I haven't listened to since high school. Could never have swung such a project on the old laptop, and dad got me a few DVD-R's for my trouble. Always up for more storage space, even though I just recently discovered ADrive.com.

Hoping to get out this weekend, and see "Wolverine." Would like to go opening night, depends on if anyone I know is up for seeing it, giving me a ride.

And I should be writing [Re: Trendsetter].

Lots to keep me busy.

Finally, importantly, Justin has some new work up on his blog [Re: Calamity Cash and the Town with No Name]. As always, be sure to check the M.R.C.R.W. Just great, exciting stuff. He's really getting into some of the meaty, action-filled parts of the book, and I feel like every drawing is just dripping with that tension, and anticipation. Definitely worth the look.